Dear Mr. Online-Dating Match:

1. Under the "what I've read lately" section, don't put the DaVinci Code or Angels and Demons. Dan Brown novels are a deal breaker. Much like I imagine John Grisham novels were deal-breakers in the '90s. 's true.

2. Under the "things only my best friends know about me" section, don't put you'll have to wait to get to know me ;). That's not the point. The point is to write a fun or interesting fact about yourself. Trust me, you're not being original by putting a cutesy-evasive statement.


3. Under the "who I'm looking for" section, don't put someone who is sexy or someone who is easy on the eyes. We know that's what you want. Stop being a douche.

I kind of love that guys are closing me as their matches. It has recently come to my attention that I'm not ready to date anyone. Hence my severe panic-induced nausea at the thought of actually having to go on a date.

Online dating blows

What comes out of an irrational pout at 7:30 pm on Chicago St Paddy's Day observed? A second go 'round at online dating. Need I mention I'd been drinking since 10 am?

I'd been thinking a lot about my first experience from last year. I met an ok guy. We dated for a few months. His choice of sunglasses embarrassed the hell out of me. I cringe at the fact I actually slept with him. But I suppose it was successful enough. I dated someone, and decided that I was better off alone. A year later, I am newly thirty, and my friends have dispersed around the world following our graduation from b-school. I am ready to sit home in my pjs with some dude on a Friday night, with the unspoken promise of lots of morning-sex the next day.

It has been one week since I signed up for online dating service #2. I get to be turned down daily by men who, let me just say, aren't awesome. Which must mean I am wahaaayyyy less than awesome. Funny. I always thought in some way, that I was at least slightly awesome. It must be my profile photos.

Time to hit up Glamour Shots.