Water, water everywhere...

Not so long ago, I asked my friend Michelle why I was so into guys who were not so into me. She told me that having crushes is my thing. It keeps me vital. She's right.

Now that I'm not currently obsessed with anyone, I am free to have fun, flirty casual crushes. The best days at the office are when I bump into each of my three crushes in one day. Joy of joys!!!

Celebrity Crush: This is a relatively high profile man in my company. He comments on business television channels. He's smart. And he has an aura of calm about him. What's fun about the celebrity crush is that he doesn't wear a wedding ring. So it leaves me open to fantasizing about being wooed by a successful, slightly older man. Plus he smiles a lot. I like smiles.

Handyman Crush: This is a very good looking, younger man who works on the technology help desk. He's kind of dark and brooding, but at the same time he's incredibly polite. Intriguing. I am constantly thinking of tech emergencies so that I can call him for help. YUMMY.

Metro Crush: I have alluded to this man before on my previous blog. He's my age, and he dresses well. His stylishness has all of my male coworkers on edge, so they feel the need to make fun of him at all times. They call him "Pants". The negative with "Pants" is that he likes being tan.

Siiiiggghhhh. The office is MUCH better than eHarmony.

I've noticed lately that instead of working through the bumps in friendships, I shut them off. Done. Never again will I make the same mistake with the same person. I am incapable of direct communication. I am very good at silence. And maybe some barbed remarks.

I cut T out of my life for what I thought was the last time over 6 months ago. A few weeks ago he emailed me saying he missed me and wondered when I was coming home next. I invited him to join my friends and I for a drink...I wasn't going to risk seeing him alone again. He was the first one to show up at the bar, and he asked why I never called him after I spent the night last September. He hadn't realized we were in a fight. We couldn't go any further with that conversation, because my friends showed up.

I'm back home now. And I just called him to try to pick back up with our talk. But the machine answered. I couldn't bring myself to leave an awkward message. So I hung up. I don't know if I'll try again. But it's a step toward being a direct communicator. I'm glad of that, at least.

I think I need to next try direct communication with the young coworker. I cut out all emailing and IMing outside of work after he hurt my feelings. I can imagine he's very confused...but I also think we're just a lost cause.

Dear Mr. Online-Dating Match:

1. Under the "what I've read lately" section, don't put the DaVinci Code or Angels and Demons. Dan Brown novels are a deal breaker. Much like I imagine John Grisham novels were deal-breakers in the '90s. 's true.

2. Under the "things only my best friends know about me" section, don't put you'll have to wait to get to know me ;). That's not the point. The point is to write a fun or interesting fact about yourself. Trust me, you're not being original by putting a cutesy-evasive statement.


3. Under the "who I'm looking for" section, don't put someone who is sexy or someone who is easy on the eyes. We know that's what you want. Stop being a douche.

I kind of love that guys are closing me as their matches. It has recently come to my attention that I'm not ready to date anyone. Hence my severe panic-induced nausea at the thought of actually having to go on a date.

Online dating blows

What comes out of an irrational pout at 7:30 pm on Chicago St Paddy's Day observed? A second go 'round at online dating. Need I mention I'd been drinking since 10 am?

I'd been thinking a lot about my first experience from last year. I met an ok guy. We dated for a few months. His choice of sunglasses embarrassed the hell out of me. I cringe at the fact I actually slept with him. But I suppose it was successful enough. I dated someone, and decided that I was better off alone. A year later, I am newly thirty, and my friends have dispersed around the world following our graduation from b-school. I am ready to sit home in my pjs with some dude on a Friday night, with the unspoken promise of lots of morning-sex the next day.

It has been one week since I signed up for online dating service #2. I get to be turned down daily by men who, let me just say, aren't awesome. Which must mean I am wahaaayyyy less than awesome. Funny. I always thought in some way, that I was at least slightly awesome. It must be my profile photos.

Time to hit up Glamour Shots.