I've noticed lately that instead of working through the bumps in friendships, I shut them off. Done. Never again will I make the same mistake with the same person. I am incapable of direct communication. I am very good at silence. And maybe some barbed remarks.

I cut T out of my life for what I thought was the last time over 6 months ago. A few weeks ago he emailed me saying he missed me and wondered when I was coming home next. I invited him to join my friends and I for a drink...I wasn't going to risk seeing him alone again. He was the first one to show up at the bar, and he asked why I never called him after I spent the night last September. He hadn't realized we were in a fight. We couldn't go any further with that conversation, because my friends showed up.

I'm back home now. And I just called him to try to pick back up with our talk. But the machine answered. I couldn't bring myself to leave an awkward message. So I hung up. I don't know if I'll try again. But it's a step toward being a direct communicator. I'm glad of that, at least.

I think I need to next try direct communication with the young coworker. I cut out all emailing and IMing outside of work after he hurt my feelings. I can imagine he's very confused...but I also think we're just a lost cause.